How To Deal with a Bully

Uncategorized May 05, 2022

Did you get bullied in school? Were you the bully? I think I was a bit of both as I spent my childhood trying to pretend I was not as different as I was. 

And the thing is, bullying doesn’t stop when we grow up. Every time we are trying to be right, we are being a bully to someone, including ourselves. 

I will soon be seeing some people in my life who are bullies and I just have to remember to be in allowance of them. I used to try to avoid them, but that only left me feeling small, rather than stepping up into the energy I am. 

In life, you don’t need to avoid bullies or exclude them you just need to come prepared.

Recently, my wife was co-working with a bully and she said, “Anthony, I just don’t mind being around this person at all. I have so much caring for me, which allows me to have caring for them, and my kindness is the dominant energy in the relationship.” This is a great example of the energy you can be with a bully if you apply the Access Consciousness tools to your life. 

I want to give you my two favourite Access Consciousness questions to use when confronted with a bully. 

1. Match their energy.

Bullies only bully because they can. They put a certain energy in your direction looking for a reaction. Matching their energy is not reacting, it’s going in to action. 

A friend of mine was bullied by a girl all through elementary school and high school. My friend would not stand up to her. My friend would avoid going into certain rooms to avoid the bully. One day the bully insulted my friend’s little sister in front of her. That was the last straw. My friend yelled back at the bully with equal intensity, swearing at her in front of the teacher. The teacher saw the whole thing, said nothing, and just smiled at the fact that my friend had finally stood up for herself. 

This changed my friend’s life as she was never bullied again. She spent her four years of high school in close proximity to the bully and eventually they became friends. 

I am not condoning yelling or fighting. I am simply saying that the minute the bully knows you can match their energy, you are no longer a worthy target. 

2. Asking: What did you intend with that?

When you ask someone what they intended with their unkind comment they have to go into the question and into defence. Their response doesn’t matter. Your question was what matters and what creates the dynamic effect.

I love this tool because it puts you in the driver’s seat of the whole situation. Your choice for kindness will win out, and because you force them to defend their bullying they can’t do it again because they know they will be questioned, and possibly embarrassed for their meanness. 

Basically, it’s a type of subtle leadership. 

We teach people how to treat us and when come armed with the tools of consciousness and kindness, we can create a different world for ourselves, others, and sometimes the bullies themselves. 

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